Cephalopod Central
by SquidwardTennisballs18
Summary: Squidward is challenged by Squilliam to try and beat him skiing down the treacherous Sand Mountain.


Cephalopod Central

= Squidward is challenged by Squilliam to try and beat him skiing down the treacherous Sand Mountain.

Characters

Spongebob Squarepants

Squidward Tentacles

Squilliam Fancyson

Sand Mountain Skiiers

Yeti Jellyfish

Squilliam's Assistant

Feral Mountain Snails

Patrick Star (cameo)

Carl the Manager (cameo)

Larry The Lobster (cameo)

Gary The Snail (mentioned)

The story begins at Sand Mountain, the great Winter ski resort of relief but also the risk of avalanches.

As skiiers ski or fall to their pain in the background, A bus pulls out front and exiting is Squidward Tentacles, who breathes a sigh of relief.

SQUIDWARD(about Spongebob & Patrick): Phew! Finally lost those morons!

Squidward pulls out his Gym bag he is using to store his ski equipment only to find Spongebob tucked away inside.

SQUIDWARD: SPONGEBOB!

Spongebob pops out all ready in a skiing uniform.

SPONGEBOB: Hi Squidward!

SQUIDWARD: WHY ARE YOU IN MY GYM BAG?!

SPONGEBOB: Um, I was in your Gym Bag! Need to pay attention to your past tense Squidward!

SQUIDWARD: WHATEVER, I DON'T CARE! NOW LEAVE!

SPONGEBOB: But I can't.

SQUIDWARD: WHY NOT?!

SPONGEBOB: My house is having its sand floors being cleaned right now, Gary is on a date, you and I have a day off and Patrick is actually up on top of one of the forbidden mountains here trapped by Yeti Jellyfish!

Scene cuts to Patrick being used as a paddleball by the Yeti Jellyfish.

PATRICK: Help! They're using me as one ticket to extreme pain!

Back to our main characters.

SQUIDWARD: Oh for Fish's sake!

Squidward grabs a snowball from Carl the Manager, who for some reason has his tongue stuck and frozen onto a pole.

CARL(muffled): Hey!

SQUIDWARD(to Spongebob): Now please go and get seriously hurt!

Before Squidward could bombard Spongebob with snowballs, a familiar voice rings out.

VOICE: Hello Squiddy!

Squidward's nose shrivels up and he slowly turns his head to see a cocky as ever Squilliam smiling and staring back at him.

SQUIDWARD: Squi,Squ,Squi,... Squilliam?

SQUILLIAM: The third and not final!

SQUIDWARD: What are you doing here?

SQUILLIAM: Aha! Aha! I was just planning to go and get a cup of hot cocoa in the Resort, sponsored by myself by the way, but it looks like you are going skiing! Oh how precious!

SQUIDWARD: I'll have you know I am planning to ski down Sand Mountain! A hill so dangerous, even Larry the Lobster got his stitches!

A flashback is shown of Larry the Lobster skiing down Sand Mountain but hitting a rock and flying through the water screaming,

LARRY: Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!

Back to the present.

SQUILLIAM: Aha,aha,ha,ha,ha! You ski down Sand Mountain? Good luck Squiddy!

SQUIDWARD: I will and um er uh! You are uh ah! A stupid butthead!

SQUILLIAM: That comeback stunk worse than your undies after Gym Class Squidward, and we know how horrible those smelled!

SQUIDWARD: It was dryclean only!

Squilliam takes half of Squidward's ski equipment.

SQUILLIAM: Okay Captain Undies, if you are so brave, why don't you try and beat me down Sand Mountain, if you are brave enough!

SQUIDWARD: You're on! Unibrow!

SQUILLIAM: Ahahaha!

The scene cuts to the beginning of the Sand Mountain ski slope. Squidward looks determined and ready to ski. Squilliam sprays perfume in his mouth and has his assistant comb his unibrow with a unibrush.

Spongebob approaches Squidward.

SPONGEBOB: Are you sure you want to do this Squidward, you may not make it out alive.

SQUIDWARD: I don't care if I do, if I beat this stupid filthy wealthy con artist down the tallest most dangerous hill in Bikini Bottom, I will be well regarded in the history books! Now silence and get us going!

Spongebob stations between the two octopi.

SPONGEBOB: On your mark, get set, ski!

Squidward begins skiing down Sand Mountain while Squilliam waits.

SQUIDWARD: Aha! Aha! Aha! I'm winning! Stupid barnaclehead is too much of a wimp, I knew it!

Squilliam yawns and checks the time.

Squidward maneuvers around falling boulders & piles of snow.

SQUIDWARD: Whoaaaa!

Squilliam sips on hot cocoa. Spongebob approaches him.

SPONGEBOB: Uh Squilliam, you can ski now.

SQUILLIAM: It's all a matter of time Spongebob, just wait.

Squidward continues going up and down several mini slopes and barely evades a "GO TO THE CHUM BUCKET!" Sign.

Squilliam hands his now cold cocoa to his assistant.

SQUILLIAM: Okay, on I go.

Squilliam begins skiing down the slope.

Squidward pauses at several red lights and does several trick shots when the lights turn green.

SQUIDWARD: You may win at art, music, books, and pretty much everything else Squilliam, but not at skiing!

Squidward evades the same rocks that put Larry in stitches and maneuvers around some feral mountain snails.

MOUNTAIN SNAIL(growling): Mrowwwww!

The Mountain Snail continues slithering until being bombarded by one of the falling snow pillars.

MOUNTAIN SNAIL(muffled): Meow.

Squidward is nearing the finish line.

SQUIDWARD: Fame here I come!

Squidward notices Squilliam far off in the horizon behind him.

SQUIDWARD: Better luck next time Squilliam! Captain Undies has finally beaten you!

As Squidward is about to cross the finish line. Squilliam smiles and turns his skiiers onto a big cliff sending him flying about hundreds of miles per hour eventually landing in the finish area 1 second before Squidward crossed the finish line.

SQUIDWARD(mesmerized): Wha..Wha...Wha…

Squilliam wipes some frost off his face with his prized dollar bill.

SQUILLIAM: Oh! Tough break Squiddy! Perhaps maybe another time, or better yet, never!

Squidward breathes heavily before taking his ski equipment off and collapsing to the snow and pounding on it while throwing a temper tantrum.

SQUILLIAM: Oh brother. How pathetic.

SQUIDWARD: WHY! WHY! WHY!

Squilliam begins dancing to Squidward's misery. From the distance, Spongebob watches before taking a breather and grabbing the trophy and coming up.

SQUILLIAM: That trophy will look very beautiful on my mantle.

SQUIDWARD(angrily): Like all your other ones?!

SQUILLIAM: Indeed Squiddy!

SPONGEBOB: Ahem, the winner is… SQUIDWARD TENTACLES!

Spongebob holds a shocked Squidward's tentacle in the air while Squilliam's jaw drops open and several dollar bills fall out of his pocket.

SQUIDWARD: Wait, I won?

SPONGEBOB: Well uh no.

SQUILLIAM: THEN WHY DOES HE GET THE TROPHY?!

SPONGEBOB: Because! He is my friend! And is not dancing to other people's misery! Squilliam!

SQUILLIAM: Don't act smart to me little boy, I served in the Navy!

SPONGEBOB: Yeah, so did my Dad, and his Dad.

Squilliam smashes his cocoa to the ground and angrily stomps away while grabbing his assistant.

SQUIDWARD(throwing a snowball at and mocking Squilliam): Pathetic!

Squidward puts the trophy away in his gym bag and then faces Spongebob.

SQUIDWARD: Uh… Thanks Spongebob.

SPONGEBOB: No problem Squidward, what are friends for?!

SQUIDWARD: Yeah, um, right.

Spongebob & Squidward stare at each other.

SQUIDWARD: Well I'm going home. I ain't freezing out here.

Spongebob begins to shiver from the cold air.

SPONGEBOB: Wait up!


End file.
